Sexual Abuse Attorneys

The term sexual abuse usually refers to any sexual act that is improper and against the law such as rape and sexual assault. Sexual abuse typically happens between a child and an adult. Sexual abuse attorneys represent victims of sexual abuse by priests and other officials of the Catholic Church. Since the 1990s, thousands of individuals have come forward to seek help for incidents that involve the following:

Physical Sexual Abuse (fondling, genital contact, masturbation, and intercourse)
Non-Physical Sexual Abuse (exposure, pornography, and voyeurism)

In most cases, the sexual abuse acts are ongoing and the destructive effects often follow victims into adulthood. A great number of adults across the U.S. are still suffering from mental and physical effects of clergy abuse that include: shame, guilt, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, sleep problems, sexual dysfunction, and self-destructive behaviors. The effects that victims have to deal with for years may not be banished or the events when abuse happened reversed, but they may be able to find closure through the help of attorneys who have experience with sexual abuse cases.

Sexual Abuse Victims Can Obtain Compensations

Victims have legal rights to seek justice and get settlement for the damages inflicted on them by priests or clergy members. Justice often means taking the perpetrators into account for their abusive actions toward their victims; and, in most cases, pay restitution as well.

The Role of the Catholic Church

For many decades, church leaders have tried to keep the clergy abuse cases quiet and out of the public eye. The victims are ignored or paid out to remain silent; while the abusive priests were transferred from parish to parish or sent to undergo brief periods of counseling. But in recent years, as more and more of victims are coming forward; church officials are finally forced to acknowledge the systemic problem and to offer public apologies to victims. The Catholic Church was shamed and offered settlements to cases brought by abuse victims. With the help of sexual abuse attorneys, hundreds of millions of dollars had been paid to victims.

It is hard to put a dollar amount on the pain and suffering inflicted to victims, who were children and youngsters and who had looked up to their priests and clergy members with trust and respect. The innocence they lost can never be restored but obtaining a chance to voice their grievances and receiving financial compensation can help them find peace of mind and rebuild their lives.

Sexual Abuse–Have You Ever Wondered?

This provocative question/thought begs an answer. Most people, who have asked themselves or someone else asked that question often answer with “Yes, I have wondered, but: “I don’t know who it would have been.” “My Dad would never do such a thing.” “I don’t think so.” “If I was, I would remember.” Or many other variations that leave the question unanswered.

Having worked with hundreds of sexual abuse survivors in the healing process for the past twenty-five years, the answer to the question–Have You Ever Wondered If You Were Sexually Abused?–is 99% inevitably, ‘Yes.’ How can you be so sure, you might ask? The certainty lies within the unconscious mind. The unconscious mind is where ‘truth’ of memory is stored.
Furthermore, it is the unconscious mind’s job to push the memory into the conscious mind–thus, if the person ‘wonders’ if they were sexually abused even though they have no conscious memory–it is a clue that the unconscious mind is pushing the information to the conscious mind, so that the wounds can be healed.

What can one do if one wonders, but doesn’t have any definitive memory? Many people believe that ‘What you don’t know won’t hurt you.’ This myth has proliferated many centuries and doesn’t hold true for any issue. Because of a child’s innocence and often dependence on her/his perpetrator, sexual abuse is not only a violation of his/her body, emotional and spiritual boundaries, it is a violation of his/her trust. In this respect, the sexual aspect is secondary. The person she/he trusted with his/her innocence, instead of giving her love, has taken what she/her wanted from him/her, terrorized, hurt, humiliated, controlled, disgraced and shattered his/her perception of him/herself and the relationship with the perpetrator. Although the perpetrator emphasized his love for her/him, he/she perpetrated a violence that did not require force. In this violence, described as love, he robbed the child of the opportunity to develop into a healthy, adjusted adult. The perpetrator abrogated his/her responsibility to care for and protect the child.

This insidious betrayal so profoundly affects a child’s sense of trust that the survivor works mightily to regain fully what is a birthright. Whether the assault occurred once or several times is irrelevant, since the damage is incurred immediately. This damage is profound, extensive and pervasive. Sexual abuse and incest affect every aspect of human development. A soul injury forms as the result of sexual abuse: an injury that time, education, job, money, marriage, children, moving, or divorce cannot heal. An injury so deeply wounding and traumatizing that it requires more resolution than reading books, self-help groups or undertaking intellectual analysis. Children or adults who have been sexually abused, do not ‘get over’ the devastation as they would with the measles or a virus. Without sexual abuse recovery, millions of adult sexual abuse/incest survivors continue to bear the emotional scars.

Think back to your childhood do you have any of the following memories?

o a sudden fear of specific things, people, places (bathroom or –i.e. the room where the abuse took place)?

o act out inappropriate sexual activity or display unusual interest in sexual matters

o temper tantrums, especially coinciding with visits to places or interaction with certain people?

o violent behavior such as: kicking, hitting, biting–survivors feel extreme frustration and anger.

o mood swings, hitting, withdrawal (abused children often feel alone, helpless and withdraw into a shell), culminating into depression.

o difficulties with bed wetting or soiling after 4 years of age?

o nightmares (monsters, being chased or bogey men), fear of going to bed or sleepwalking?

o physical symptoms of sexual abuse such as: vaginal/rectal pain, itching, vaginal/rectal bleeding (bloodstains in underwear or pajamas), discharge, redness in genital area, or bladder/kidney infections

o difficulty walking or sitting

o stomach and digestive problems

o complain of flu-like symptoms or not feeling well frequently

o listlessness (robot-like, sitting quietly and unemotional staring into space until someone or something prompted you to ‘act.’)

o self-inflicted pain (head banging, hair pulling, nail biting, body cutting/carving, frequent accidents (accident prone)

o regressive behavior: baby talk, sudden clinging behavior

o unexplained aggressiveness or rebellion

o inserting objects into genitals/rectum–act out sexual behavior on dolls, toys or other children

o aches and pains, headaches and other psychosomatic ailments

o unusual knowledge and interest in sex beyond developmental level

o panic attacks or anxiety

o beginning stage of eating disorders

o displaying adult or sexualized behavior (walking seductively, flirting, acting and talking like an adult).

o drop in grades, difficulty concentrating

o serious depression

o inability to trust others

o acting out self-destructive behaviors: alcohol and/or drug use, eating disorders

o bathe excessively

o feeling the need to be secretive

o sense of carrying a deep dark secret

o develop strategies for protection such as: layering, wearing baggy or safety-pinning clothes; sleeping on the floor; in the closet, under the bed or blocking your bedroom door

o acting out pseudo maturity

o sexually transmitted diseases

o a dramatic increase in the frequency of masturbation or masturbation to the point of injury

o acting out promiscuously

o serious confusion regarding sexual identity

o an aversion toward opposite sex

o sexual interest in younger children

As an adult have you experienced, but not limited to the following complaints?

o Little or no memory of childhood–age 3 to 12

o Anxiety or Panic Attacks

o Gastrointestinal disorders

o Gynecological disorders

o Vaginal/uterine cancer-women,

o Testicular/prostate cancer-men

o Frequent Headaches (migraines)

o Arthritis (especially hands,legs)

o Joint pain

o Back pain–L3, L4 and/or L5 region

o Eating disorders

o Alcohol or drug abuse

o Phobias

o Depression

o Low self-esteem

o ADD or ADHD

o Suicidal thoughts/attempts

o Reoccurring Dreams of threat or entrapment

o Reoccurring Dreams of rats or snakes, being chased by

a man/men or dogs/monsters

o Inability to trust or trusting indiscriminately

If you have experienced one or more of these symptoms the chances of your being a sexual abuse survivor or a physical trauma survivor which transcended into sexual abuse aftereffects is exceedingly high.

What To Do: If you wonder or suspect you were sexually abused contact a professional who specializes in sexual abuse/incest recovery and provides a mind, body spirit healing process. Talk therapy is inadequate to uncover the emotional pain, and heal the trauma trapped in the unconscious, muscles and tissue. Furthermore, talk therapy seldom includes spiritual healing–i.e. healing soul injuries. To fully appreciate the depth of this pain, I will quote one of my clients, “Even my blood hurts.” A multifaceted healing–mind, body, spirit process specifically focused on sexual abuse recovery and diligent work is the most effective process; wherein the survivor can replenish their emotional, physical, spiritual identity and empowerment.

Keeping Your Child Safe From Sexual Abuse

Beware of anyone who wants to be with your children more than you do. It surrounds us; everywhere. It acknowledges no boundaries, geographic or cultural. It’s insidious and, at it’s extreme, life threatening. Fighting it is ridiculously simple, yet inexplicably avoided. Child sexual abuse is a criminal behavior that has always been with us and unfortunately always will.

As with overcoming the social reluctance to discuss cancer in the 1960′s, alcohol and drug addiction in the 1970s, the most effective way to counter child sexual abuse is through acknowledging that it exists, educating yourself (which you are doing now) and by talking to your children about it. Seems simple enough, but for some, near impossible. Some parents are embarrassed – for cultural, religious or personal reasons – at the mere thought of speaking to their young children about sex. However sex is the center of our being. As George Michael so famously sang “Sex is natural, sex is good,” and it is in the appropriate setting, between consenting adults. It’s what ensures our survival as a species.

Children have an innate knowledge of their sexuality on their own scale of development. A young child doesn’t need to know the entire life cycle of the birds and the bees; they need to know what is appropriate for their age and emotional level. They need to know what comprises healthy and natural contact with others, particularly adults and more importantly, what does not.

By the age of ten most young children have a fairly good idea of what’s going on. As parents we owe it to them to set them straight before they start trading in the rumors of middle school when they start to hide within their social shell and communication on the subject becomes difficult. By talking frankly to your children you are arming them with the shield of knowledge, self confidence and the ability to protect themselves. Child sexual abuse as a subject needs to be dragged into the sunlight and dealt with as the reality that it is. We have to face the issue head on in order to learn how to eliminate it as a threat to our families and friends. We must face it publicly so the perpetrators of this iniquitous behavior know that they are “on notice”, that they cannot prey on our young.

How prevalent is sexual abuse with children? It’s disturbingly widespread. In some Asian countries child sex abuse is an industry, relied upon for national income. As incredible as that sounds it’s true and it accounts for what is referred to as “sex tourism”. The ‘why’ part of this behavior, is the subject for another article, if indeed there is, or can be, a ‘why”.

Let me set the framework of what we’re dealing with. First let me answer the question most often asked “What are the indicators of child sexual abuse?” Answer: they’re aren’t any. More on this in a minute.

A standard misconception is that most sexual assaults are committed by strangers. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Most sexual assaults are committed by someone known to the victim or the victim’s family. Another misconception is that the majority of sexual offenders are caught, convicted, and in prison. Not true, only a fraction of those who commit sexual assault are apprehended and convicted for their crimes. In fact, the vast majority of child sex crimes go unreported. Most convicted sex offenders eventually are released to the community under probation or parole supervision.

Here are some core numbers: 90% of children who are sexually abused are abused by someone they know – inside or outside the family. 1 in 4 girls (25%) is sexually abused before the age of 18. 1 in 6 boys (16.5%) is sexually abused before the age of 18. Abusers will victimize as young as infants right up to 16 years old. The amount of sympathy a victim receives is directly proportional to their physical development. An estimated 39 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse exist in America today. This represents a fraction of the true number of abused children. Young victims may not recognize their victimization as sexual abuse. For more statistical information visit the Child AbuseWatch.net website here.

Why are there no tell-tale signs of child sexual abuse? The quick answer is that nature has made vaginas elastic and self-lubricating even in young girls. Anus’s stretch and any lesions quickly heal. Oral abuse does not leave a trace. Semen and sperm disappear fairly quickly. Repeated abusers take care not to hurt the children so as to avoid disclosure. Let’s talk about sexual predators. There are three kinds.

Pedophiles have a sexual preference for children. This in itself does not make them criminals. They get into trouble when they act on their impulses and, for example, start collecting child pornography which is a serious victim-exploiting crime.

If they act on their impulses they become the second type of predator; preferential child sexual abusers. They have no interest in having sex with adults, only children, usually pre-pubescent. These are generally male and have a distinct pattern to their predatory behavior, including recruiting victims – referred to as ‘grooming’ – and retaining them in an ongoing pattern of sexual abuse while ensuring that they do not disclose the abuse. These first two kinds of predators are called preferential; meaning that they have a distinct sexual preference for children.

The third kind is the situational sexual abuser. This abuser is one of opportunity. He or she enjoys having sex with adults and have sex with children when the opportunity arises. For example, when they are left alone with a child, they’re drunk, they’re angry at the child or mother and assault the child to hurt the mother – there’s a long list of reasons. They key word is opportunity.

All three are dangerous to children all the time. What is a distinctive feature in their behavior is their lack of conscience.

How do we identify a predator? Contrary to popular belief, predators do not often skulk around playgrounds in dirty raincoats. They are everyman or everywoman. They live in plain sight among us; sometimes in our own families. They are fathers, mothers, uncles, aunts, friends, doctors, soccer coaches, clergy, boy-scout leaders, police, child care workers, therapists, teachers. Not all of these people are child sex abusers but many child sex abusers choose these professions for access to children. The key word here is access. A particular red flag are single parent families which offer predators’ immense opportunity to have access to children under the guise of dating, marriage or being ‘good to the children.’

An important element in the grooming process is the selection of a victim. Many abusers have multiple concurrent victims and, if left to run their life course un-arrested, some will have had hundreds if not thousands of victims in their lifetime. They ‘court’ the child the way adults court each other in a romantic relationship. Gifts, flattery, play, attention, all go into the mix. What the abuser is doing is replacing the parent’s role of providing affection and attention. They often choose as their victims children who have problems communicating with their parents; those whose parents don’t pay enough attention to them. They look to fill that void. They are so good at what they do that parents never suspect their intentions. They also woo the parents to be accepted and trusted with the children. Predators are masters at building relationships. Their biggest problem is not getting the child, it’s getting rid of the child when they become too old and their interest in them wanes.

How do predators and abusers choose their victims? Children in general have certain characteristics that make them ideal victims from the offender’s point of view. Here are some; they are naturally curious; many are easily led by adults particularly when brought up to respect their elders; they have a need for attention and affection (most of us do); some have a need to defy their parents.

The ‘secret.’ As already mentioned recurrent abusers rarely hurt the child as that would encourage disclosure. They encourage the child to understand that the behavior be kept a secret – just between them. They do this by keeping photographs, warning of the embarrassment to the child and family should anyone find our about what has happened; by blaming the child for initiating it; by rewarding the child with gifts and outings; by telling the child that disclosure would break up the family structure; that the sexual abuse is a demonstration of their ‘love’ for the child. On and on. And the child, being a child, believes them. They know no differently. The ‘secret’ is the key component of this disturbing relationship, one that is a cornerstone of a child sexual abusers success and survival.

How do we as parents combat this?

Talk to your children about their bodies and their sexuality; good touching and bad touching. Get over your embarrassment. We are intimately familiar with our genitalia from the moment we are born and curiosity about the same and opposite sex is perfectly normal. And when you get down to it, there’s not that much involved.

Keep the opportunity for one to one contacts between your child and other adults or adolescents to zero. If there is no opportunity for someone to be alone with your child there will be no opportunity for abuse. Be present at doctor visits; at the soccer game; at music practice. Nobody but you has the right to be alone with your child.

Empower your child by acknowledging the presence of their own “inner voice”, the sense they innately possess that something “feels” wrong. And tell them that only they have the power to act when they feel a circumstance is not right irrespective of who is involved. They must know and trust that you will support their actions.

Talk to your family and friends frequently about the subject. Take personal responsibility for your child, don’t delegate it to anyone else. Keep the lines of communication open with your children no matter how hard it can be. That’s their lifeline. Encourage your children’s school to have someone come and talk to parents about this subject. Finally if you suspect sexual abuse of your children or other children report it immediately. That is your responsibility. If you’re wrong you can always apologize. You name is never disclosed. Depending on your area 911 is probably the best first number to call; they’ll give you the abuse hotline number.

An easy to remember acronym to help you remember the elements of keeping your children safe is TOPER – Talk to your children, family and friends. Eliminate Opportunity by not allowing anyone one-to-one access alone with your child, be Present for your child, Empower your children, Report suspected abuse immediately. TOPER. One last word. Predators will do whatever it takes to get access to children including dating or marrying a woman with children; marrying in order to have and abuse his own children; offering to baby-sit the neighbors kids or pick them up from school. They’ll do whatever it takes. For them it’s an urge, an impulse, an obsession, a drive, an incurable compulsion.

Can a Sex Instructional Video Help Improve Your Love Life?

Whether you’re young or old, rich or poor, sex is probably one of the most talked about, if not controversial, topics in the whole world. Everyone needs sex, not just for procreation, but for pleasure and strengthening of a relationship as well. You can’t talk about romantic love without including sex in the equation so if you’re currently in a relationship and you want to make your love story last, you should definitely start working on your sex life. But how do you start? Though you’ll find a lot of great ideas online on how you can spice up your love life, there is really only one way that can help you take your sex life up a notch. Want to know what a sex instructional video can do for your relationship? Then don’t hesitate to read on.

Assuming that you and your lover both have open minds towards this subject, a sex instructional video can do wonders for your relationship. But do bear in mind that this option isn’t for everyone. If you’ve just started dating, make sure to have an open discussion with your partner on how he or she feels about using this sort of videos. This way, you’ll be able to avoid causing offense or any awkward moments that may lead to future misunderstandings in the relationship.

Helps You Become A Better Lover

Sure a sex instructional video may not be a necessity in making a relationship work, but it can help you make it stronger. A sex instructional video can help you become a better lover as it can provide you with tips and techniques that will make every sexual encounter worthy to be remembered. From oral techniques to different sex positions, you’ll be able to reinvent yourself as the ultimate lover once you’re done watching the video.

Allows You To Open Your Line Of Communication

Another benefit that you can get from incorporating the sex instructional video into your bedroom routine is that you’ll get a much more open communication line between you and your partner. Just by watching the video together, you’ll feel much more comfortable expressing what you want sexually and your partner will be more open to tell you what he or she would like to try out. When used properly, a sex instructional video will be able to help you form a stronger bond emotionally and physically.

If you’re interested in purchasing sex instructional videos, there are a number of ways that you can easily get your hands on them. First off, check out what your local adult bookstores or sex shops have on offer. Although these shops usually have an extensive line up of different adult videos that you can choose from, make sure that you choose a sex instructional video and not just a porn flick. If you’re not comfortable with the idea of visiting these shops or you just don’t have the time, start your search online instead. The great thing about purchasing online is that you not only have access to a wide array of different titles, but you’ll also get to shop anonymously.

The Importance of Telling Your Sexual Abuse Story

Child sexual abuse for most victims is an experience that is both traumatic and confusing. Most of them find it hard to accept what really happened to them, and that’s why most end up having behavioral and psychological problems in the long run. Experts contend that counseling and therapy help the victims move on and heal the wounds of the abuse. However, the first crucial part of the healing process is really about telling the sexual abuse story.

It is quite common for a lot of victims not to disclose what happened. This is primarily caused by fear, embarrassment, or plain confusion. Keep in mind that the victims are children and there is no way for them to respond well like adults. Then again, adult sexual abuse victims have just as hard a time dealing with the trauma. There are quite a number of victims who are not able to move on. They are constantly haunted by the trauma even when they reach adulthood, or years after the actual abuse took place. So how are they going to get past the trauma and painful memories? Part of the answer is sharing and disclosure.

When victims prefer to hide and keep the pain, they will never heal from it. If you are one of these victims, you have to remember that there are actually a lot of benefits to telling your child sexual abuse story. Let’s enumerate them:

1. The experience of being abused results in the devaluing and sudden loss of one’s sense of self. But if you succeed in sharing your story with the people you love and trust, there’s a chance that they can help you understand what has happened to you. Most victims think that by not letting anyone know, they also can convince themselves that the abuse wasn’t really a life changer. Unfortunately, it is. By telling what you have been through, you are also telling them that the abuse really impacted your life and you are ready for the wound to be healed.

2. By telling your story, you are telling the truth. For your entire life, you cannot just live a lie and hope no one will know it. You may actually hide it from others but you can never do the same for yourself. Have the courage to share your story and you will realize later on how the wounds begin to heal.

3. As long as you continue to keep it a secret, you are also putting yourself captive to the offender. Although the abuse has already been consummated, there is no escape as long as you elect not to tell anyone about it. But if you do try to disclose it, people close to you will definitely help put closure to the trauma and start helping you out build a brighter future.

4. If you think telling someone about the abuse puts you in shame, you’re wrong. The best way to get rid of shame is telling your loved ones that you have been abused. If you have the courage to do this, your family will see you as someone who’s strong enough to fight off the trauma and consequences of the abuse.

5. By telling your child sexual abuse experience, you become a good example for all other victims who do not have the kind of courage and strength you have. They will see you as a good example of how victims can actually live normal lives and get rid of the negative effects it has inflicted upon them. It can also potentially save the lives of future victims, if your abuser is still roaming free.

Watching Adult Sex Videos Together – Movies Make Magic

Although they still have a stigma for many people, watching adult sex videos with your spouse can be a really great way to improve your marriage sex. Available in as many different varieties as there are types of people in the world, you can watch everything from very basic, “soft porn” as it is called to more graphic and experimental types of adult films. Sensual and erotic imagery is both visually and mentally arousing and may even plant an idea or two in your minds for what you would like to try with one another. Rather than being something that only single men watch in the dark, by themselves, while they masturbate, adult films are actually a really effective type of foreplay for many married couples.

Many couples may secretly want to watch an adult film together, but are hesitant because they are afraid to suggest it to their mate. For some women, there is a fear that their husband will find the women on film more attractive than they find them. For some men, there is concern that their wives may be turned off or find fault with their arousal. The reality is that watching adult films together can be a real bonding experience. It may take several tries to find a particular genre of adult film that works for you both, but in most cases, just the simple act of being “naughty” and watching other people getting physical is enough to start something fun for the married couple watching.

If you and your spouse have decided to watch an adult sex video together, then you should discuss what kinds of films are “OK” and which ones are “off limits”. For instance, your spouse may be uncomfortable watching a film that depicts more than one partner at a time. The object of watching an adult sex video together is to get one another turned on, not turned off, so be sensitive to one another’s preferences. One of the benefits of watching a sex video together is that you may get ideas for positions to try out. Also, having the noise in the background may also help lower your spouse’s inhibitions when it comes to expressing their pleasure vocally.

If you are looking for an easy way to improve your marriage sex life, watching adult sex videos together is a great way to start. Sit back, relax, pop in a video and let nature take its course. You may find that you are having the hottest sex of your marriage, in no time flat!

Vintage Adult Comics

As how they are obviously referred to, vintage adult comics are a reflection of ancient era or golden times. These are comics released in the 13th and 14th century and these days, they are difficult to get hold of. Other collectors aren’t just limiting themselves to the 1940-50′s collections, though. They follow until the 1970 releases of these comics.

Hundreds of comics were circulated in the golden age of magazines and literature. These materials were published using old kinds of papers. Vintage, as we hear of it, sounds valuable and rare. And yes, it definitely is rare to find some collections of books, magazines, comics or anything done five to seven decades ago.

The young adolescent and adult groups have let loose their inhibitions of browsing over these vintage adult comics that flaunt boldness, sexiness, sophistication and seventh heaven. The erotic side of life is presented in its creatively enticing manner through sexy pictures of women and passionate scenarios of couples in love and lust. There is no denying that men are continuous followers of these kinds of readable stuff. Sensual women are even getting open-minded to explore the so-called hobby but rarely do they declare such actuation.

As vintage comics like Batman, Flash Gordon, Superman, Green Lantern and Spiderman gained popularity back then, the emergence of vintage adult comics followed through their successes. Instead of heroic and funny themes, love and passion are usual concepts of the adult category of magazines and comics, that’s why they are for adults only. Thought not many people recognize it, comics are a serious business, too, just like movies, bars, Internet porn, among others.

Since the 1970′s, the worth of vintage adult comics has consistently multiplied due to their huge demand from investors and collectors. If you collect any of these vintage stuffs, you are likely to earn a good bit of dollars as they are usually appraised as valuable. It seems like a standard notion that if you own something vintage, you can benefit largely.

The approach employed in vintage adult comics is dependent on culture and lifestyle of a certain country it is being released. There are those that are too erotic that may not be appreciated by some. Basically, they’re identified to be of European, Japanese and American themes.

Vintage adult comics are usually of erotic conceptions and graphics, sometimes identified as artistic outputs of pornography. The sexuality of both men and women in the same setting is depicted as real as it can be to educate and stimulate the senses of the readers. Sensuality in a human being is but normal as long as it is done within grounds of matrimony. However, the world has accepted reality that bites, thus there isn’t any critical judgment aimed to those enjoying the art of making love out of marriage.

Common Myths About Child Sexual Abuse and Incest

The first response the majority of people form when hearing of sexual child abuse or incest is denial: “I do not have to be concerned about that in my community.” “That would never happen in my family.”

The unbelievable reality is that a person who sexually abuses children may seem very average and ordinary to the world. He/she may be a leader in the church, in the community or in business, a sports coach, scout leader, or celebrity. Sex offenders do not fit a classic stereotype and are not necessarily uneducated, unemployed, impoverished or an alcoholic.

The majority of people find sexual abuse and incest even more difficult to believe or accept when the sex offender is someone they like, admire, love, and/or marry. Tragically, the unwillingness to accept the facts concerning sex offenders leaves children vulnerable to becoming victims and increases the likelihood they will be abused.

Myth: Rape/incest runs in the family–it is in the genes.

Fact: Rape is not in the genes in the family of someone who rapes. Rape is perpetrated by someone who is acting out rage. Physical and sexual child abuse are the majority factor in creating the level of rage that compels anyone to commit rape, domestic violence or murder. We have known for a long time that the one commonality among rapists is physical and/or sexual child abuse. Serial killer, Ted Bundy is a classic example of this phenomenon. Since 80% of sexual child abuse survivors are sexually abused by family members there are usually several generations within a rapist’s family–sometimes both maternal and paternal. Current statistics reveal 70% of children are physically abused once a week. It is believed the number of children who are physically abused has decreased in the past 15 years. However, the current rapists in society would have grown up in the era when physical abuse was more prominent, therefore, we can assume there is a high percentage of people, who are potential rapists when we consider date rape and rape in domestic violence, which is seldom reported or if it is reported, is seldom prosecuted. Therefore, society has no way to access the number of rapes committed per capita.

Myth: Children lie or fantasize about sexual activities with adults.

Fact: Using developmental terms, young children cannot make up explicit sexual information. They must be exposed to it to speak about it. Sometimes a parent will coach a child to report sexual abuse falsely. The key indicators of the falseness in such a report are the child’s inability to describe explicit details, the inability to illustrate the act, or gross inconsistencies within the account.

Myth: Most victims of sexual abuse are teenaged girls.

Fact: While more girls than boys are sexually abused, many are abused before their first birthday.

Myth: Boys can’t be sexually abused.

Fact: Masculine gender socialization instills in boys the belief they are to be strong; they should learn to protect themselves. In truth, boys are children and are as vulnerable as girls. They cannot really fight back against the sex offender. A sex offender generally has greater size, strength, knowledge, or a position of authority, using such resources as money or other bribes, or outright threats–whatever advantage the sex offender can take to get what they want.

Myth: Sexual abuse of a child is usually an isolated, one-time incident.

Fact: Child sexual abuse and incest occurrences develop gradually, over time; often, repeat occurrences are generally the rule rather than the exception.

Myth: Children will naturally outgrow the effects of sexual abuse or incest.

Fact: Sexual abuse or incest affects every aspect of human development. The damage is profound, extensive and pervasive. It is deeper than the physical and emotional level–it is a soul injury that requires multifaceted, multidimensional, therapeutic processing conducted by a professional who specializes in sexual abuse and incest trauma recovery.

Myth: Non-violent sexual behavior between a child and an adult is not emotionally damaging to the child.

Fact: Although child sexual abuse often involves subtle rather than extreme force, all survivors experience confusion, shame, guilt, anger, as well as a lowered sense of self-esteem; these are classic aftereffects, although they may not initially reveal obvious signs.

Myth: Child molesters are all, ‘Dirty old men.’

Fact: In a recent study of convicted child sex offenders, 80% committed their first offense before age 30.

Myth: Children provoke sexual abuse by their seductive behavior.

Fact: Seductive behavior may be the result, but is never the cause of sexual abuse. Amy Fisher, the Long Island teenager who shot her sex offender’s wife in the face and whom the media dubbed, Lolita having an affair with a married man, is a perfect example of this myth. During her trial for attempting to kill Joey Buttafuoco’s wife, Amy Fisher revealed that she had been sexually abused before her abuse by Buttafuoco. Her behavior that many considered seductive and promiscuous was, in fact, a result of prior abuse. However, regardless of the victim’s behavior or reason for such behavior, the responsibility for appropriate behavior always lays with the adult, not the child. A sixteen-year-old girl is no match for the cunning and streetwise tactics of a man twice her age, therefore, the ability to affect adult consent is unreasonable to expect.

Myth: If children wanted to avoid sexual advances of adults, or persons in positions of greater power, they could say, stop or no.

Fact: Children generally do not question the behavior of adults. In addition, bribes, threats, flattery, trickery and use of authority coerce them into cooperation and compliance.

Myth: When a child is sexually abused, it is immediately apparent.

Fact: In cases of incest against children, as much as the sex offender might be hurting the victim, the child loves him or her and needs her family. Therefore, she convinces herself that she is somehow causing him or her to behave this way, and she remains silent. In her confusion of loyalty to her sex offender, she protects him or her by holding the secret. Thus, she carries the shame and guilt. In cases regarding sexual abuse and incest, the victim often believes that she has cooperated with the sex offender in some way and places inappropriate blame on herself. Therefore, although with tremendous suffering, she hides her pain through denial, dissociation, numbing, zoning out, hyperactivity, as well as other distracting behaviors. However, the aware parent would recognize these behaviors as a sign that something is wrong.

Myth: When the sexual abuse victim is male, male homosexuals are the sex offenders.

Fact: Heterosexual men, who do not find sex with other men satisfactory, perpetrate most child sexual abuse. Many child molesters, even though they are heterosexual, abuse both boys and girls.

Myth: Boys abused by males are or will become homosexual.

Fact: Whether victimized by males or females, boys or girls, premature sexual experiences are damaging in many ways, including confusion about their sexual identity and orientation.

Myth: When a boy and a woman take part in sexual behavior and it is the boy’s idea, he is not being abused.

Fact: Child abuse is an act of power by which an adult uses a child. Abuse is abuse; a woman engaging in sexual behavior with a male child is still sexually abusive, even if she thinks he initiated the contact.

Myth: If the sex offender is female, the boy or adolescent is fortunate to have been initiated into heterosexual activity.

Fact: Premature or coerced sex, whether by a mother, aunt, sister, babysitter or other female causes confusion, at best, and rage, depression or other problems in more negative circumstances. Whether male or female, to be used as a sexual object is always abusive and damaging.

Myth: If the child experiences sexual arousal or orgasm from abuse, he or she has been a willing participant or enjoyed it.

Fact: Children can respond physically to stimulation (get an erection) even in traumatic or painful sexual situations. A sex offender can maintain secrecy by labeling the child’s sexual response as an indication of his or her willingness to participate. You liked it, you wanted it. The survivor is then manipulated with their own guilt and shame because they experienced physical arousal while being abused. Physical, visual or auditory stimulation is likely to occur in a sexual situation. It does not mean the child wanted the experience or understood what it meant.

Myth: Males who were sexually abused as boys all grow up to sexually abuse children.

Fact: Only some sexually abused boys become sex offenders.

Myth: Boys are less traumatized as victims of sexual abuse than girls.

Fact: Studies show that long-term effects are equally damaging for either sex. Ironically, males may be more damaged by society’s refusal or reluctance to accept their victimization, and by their own resultant belief that they must ‘tough it out’ in silence.

Myth: If a child is sexually active with his or her peers, then it is not sexual abuse.

Fact: The act is abusive if the child is induced into sexual activity with anyone who is in a position of greater power, whether that power is derived through the sex offender’s age, size, status, or relationship. A child who cannot refuse, or who believes she or he cannot refuse, is a child who has been violated.

Unless and until, society focuses on sexual child abuse prevention, before the damage is done, sexual abuse of children will continue to proliferate. Child sexual abuse is the greatest hidden epidemic in the world.

Online Dating – The 5 Biggest Mistakes People Are Making And Striking Out

Gentlemen, STOP your engines! Take a deep breath and think about it for a second! What was the first thing you learned back in high school. You know, when girls first started looking good to you. When they stopped being ICCKKY! Play it cool. Don’t seem desperate, and in a way make her wonder: Is he interested in me? Which brings us to our number 1 mistake.

1- Whatever you do, don’t come off desperate. 9 out of the 10 emails I get have these dreaded phrases in them “Please” “I’d give anything to….” “Oh my god I can’t believe” “What will it take” Any guy that seems desperate makes a gal wonder. “Hmm.. Why is this lad having such a hard time meeting women? The famous ” I wonder what’s wrong with him” There must be something wrong with him. Oh well, on to the next guy. DON’T COME OFF DESPERATE!! It’s a huge turn off!

Have you ever tried walking up to a girl in a bar, club or even on the street and pulled your pants down? Of course not. You wouldn’t be reading this. You’d be in prison doing 2-4 for indecent exposure. You know what I’m getting at! Some of you have tried this tactic and no matter how big and beautiful it may be, you struck out! Didn’t you!? The famous number 2..

2- Don’t show ‘em your dingaling prematurely. I once posted an ad in the casual encounters section of Craigslist. The things I saw!! The horror! For example “Hi beautiful, if you like what you see, email me.” “Bet you haven’t seen one this big ever in your life” or the famous “Look how excited your picture made me” Now don’t get me wrong, it’s exactly what I was searching for posting in that section. But you see, women are looking for men. We’re interested in meeting YOU not it. If all we wanted was a weewee, we’d buy one at our local adult erotic shop and avoid the headaches. It’s an encounter with someone new we’re looking for. The excitement of the unknown. Make us want it. Don’t just hand it to us on a platter. We want to work for it a little. And don’t forget the obvious fact that with everything we’ve heard on the news, the stories of women getting raped and killed, we’re a little afraid to meet the men that come off as sexual predators. So please, KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS UNTIL INSTRUCTED TO DO OTHERWISE!

So you’ve signed up on a random date site. You’ve put in your alias, your gender, and what you’re looking for. And now you avoid filling in the rest. Thinking that your alias “looking4mate72″ says it all and you don’t need to write anything else about yourself. Right? Did it work? No, it didn’t. Of course not. Don’t overlook number 3.

3- Tell us how interesting you are. If there’s nothing interesting about you, how can you get our interest? Make sense? Out of the 400 words you can enter in the field you chose to write “Hello, I’m looking for sex” well good for you, so is everyone else on here but at least they’re making an effort to attract the women. If you can’t think of anything interesting about yourself, chances are we won’t find anything either. These are the guys that go around saying “You know these dating sites are full of it. There’s no women, it’s all a scam. Dating sites are filled with real women dying to meet interesting dudes. There just don’t seem to be enough of them. Be interesting, and if you’re not, make something up! Make some sort of effort. With today’s technology we’ve been spoiled a little. But when it comes to meeting women, you have to spend a little time and energy. That’s the beauty. But if you can’t grasp this, don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll be able to download some beautiful woman on some torrent site in no time. We’re almost there. In the meantime…! keep…. you know.

Uploading your mug shot will probably not get too much attention from the sane women. You know the ones I’m talking about. No smile. The guy is starring into his webcam. You’re not sure if you’re still at the dating site or you accidentally clicked into the FBI’s most wanted list. A picture says a thousand words, make them good words.. number 4.

4- When it’s time to upload your pictures, don’t just turn on your cam and snap away. These have to be the dullest pictures I see. (I’d rather see their johnson, #2). Upload some real photos. A picture of you with your dog, you with friends, you at the beach. Something interesting! Somewhere you’ve been, something you’ve done. You, staring into your webcam, is not interesting at all. No one is going to sit there and go through 34 pictures you just took with your webcam in the dark. Creepy! You need to show us a side of you that’s going to grab our attention! Attraction is what it’s all about. NO MORE WEBCAM SHOTS!

Last but not least.. You’re going to hate this one I promise. But it’s as important or more important than the first 4… Pick a site you like, and become a member.

5- If you’re not willing to pay a few bucks a month to be a member, chances are I’m picking up the bill at the restaurant, bar, club, hotel or motel. The truth is, women rarely browse profiles of the free members that logged in once or twice. We like a little stability. We want to meet someone who’s been verified by the site. Avoids us a lot of trouble. What you’re telling women is; You’re not cheap, You’re a verified user, It’s safe to come in contact with you, you’re serious about meeting someone and again YOU’RE NOT CHEAP! If you can’t afford the membership, how are you going to meet up with me? Where will we be going? You can continue posting on those free classifieds “Anyone want me to pick her up with my car and go at it?” all you want, but you’ll be spending lots of lonely nights. And if it does work, I don’t want to see the gal that responds to that ad.

In conclusion, meeting women online is not that different from meeting women offline. Always remember that these are the same women you see in your everyday life. The difference is, it’s a lot easier to break the ice. So, why are you not succeeding at making that encounter? Is it because there are no women online? Of course not. There are as many women online as there are men. Avoiding these 5 deadly mistakes will increase your chances dramatically. Take advantage of the fact that most men are making these mistakes. There are plenty of fish in the E-SEA. Just remember to use the right bait. I’m currently on 3 dating sites myself. There are lots of single girls still looking for someone interesting to hook up with. I’m one of them. So please, if you come across me, don’t whip it out in my face, unless I ask you to!

Erotic Adult Lingerie For Women

Often women are so immersed in their outward appearance that they start neglecting what is within. This is the case with many of us women, who are interested in beautifying themselves from the very core, always pay special attention to their choice of under garments. Adult lingerie always had a great role to play in women’s lives.

Adult lingerie comes in a wide variety of sizes and shape. So whether you are a skinny sexy lass or a plus size with alluring curves you can easily choose your adult lingerie from this wide range of sizes. They also offer you to choose from a variety of designs and cuts.

Whereas some stick to your body like a wet swim suit, some may drape around your curves smoothly like a piece of cloth. Some of them are designed especially for special dresses to be worn by you in different occasions. For example you should wear a strapless bra with an off shoulder dress and similarly. Women of today know very well how important it is to match the under wear with your dress.

It is not just the color but also the design and cut of the dress that determine the kind of under wear that should be worn with it in order to look hot and sexy. The wrong underwear can ruin your effort of dressing up completely! So make sure you pick the right adult lingerie when you wear something out of the ordinary.

However, then you wear adult lingerie, you should be able to carry it out with perfect ease and confidence. If you are shy and uncomfortable wearing it, the lingerie alone can not make you the hot babe. But if you have the figure and are proud of it, wearing adult lingerie will only enhance the eroticism within you and nothing in this world can stop your partner from getting excited.

In fact, adult lingerie is one of the most effective tools to arouse excitement in your partner if things have just got stagnated for sometime. Kinky underwear and sexy bras can make him drool and bring back the passion that he had when he met you for the first time.

They can easily spice up your life in a unique way! So if you are one of those people, who still wear the old fashioned, ordinary, trashy undergarments all the time but are really eager to try out something new and exciting, then it is time for you to switch over to adult lingerie. They will not just change the way you look but also the ay you feel at present. They will rekindle the flame of eroticism in your life and help you to reinvent yourself in a very special way!

« Newer posts